Yesterday, we explored how attachment to the body (rupa) manifests and how practice can help transcend this attachment. Today, we will apply the same approach to the second type of attachment: feelings, or Vedana in Pali.

Feelings refer to the felt quality of our experiences—sensations that arise as we interact with the world. We often label these feelings as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. For example, a beautiful melody typically brings about a pleasant sensation, while a heated argument produces an unpleasant one. From these three fundamental types of feelings, a multitude of emotions are born.

Illusions Regarding Feelings

Attachment to feelings can create unnecessary struggles, manifesting in illusions such as:

I am a feeling (e.g., “I am an empath”).

This is my feeling (e.g., “My grief is overwhelming me”).

I exist within the feeling (e.g., “My anxiety controls me”).

While these statements aren’t wrong in the conventional sense, they fail to capture the ultimate truth: the self is not limited by these experiences. Just because I might feel overwhelming worry right now doesn’t mean I cannot be confident again in the future. Recognizing the constant change in our feelings offers us freedom and flexibility.

We often mistakenly identify our sense of self with our feelings. When we say, “I am sad” or “I am happy,” we act as though these emotions define our very existence. But in reality, feelings are fleeting experiences, not who we are.

Illusions regarding feelings manifest as two extreme actions:

1. Too Much

Feelings shape how we experience the world, and we naturally seek pleasant sensations like joy and happiness while avoiding unpleasant ones. This desire, however, creates an unrealistic expectation that life should consist only of joyful moments. But human existence includes all three types of feelings—pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral. Life is not a continuous stream of joy; grief, separation, loss, and anger are not punishments or sins—they are natural conditions of life.

Constantly chasing pleasure can drive us toward addictive behaviors, as we seek ways to artificially stimulate joy—whether through substances like alcohol and drugs, or habits like overeating or mindless scrolling.

Gender Factor: Overactive vedana factor is often associated with a more feminine perspective, rooted in evolutionary and hormonal influences. Women’s nurturing roles in early human societies likely heightened emotional sensitivity to ensure their children’s survival. Hormones like estrogen, oxytocin, and progesterone also contribute to this increased sensitivity, sometimes resulting in an over-attachment to feelings. For example, a mother in early human society needed to be deeply attuned to her children’s emotional and physical well-being to ensure their safety and survival. In modern times, however, this sensitivity can manifest as over-concern for others’ feelings or a tendency to worry excessively about small discomforts.

2. Too Little

On the opposite extreme, feelings can be suppressed or avoided, leading to emotional numbness. This often stems from family dynamics or religious upbringing, where certain feelings are deemed unacceptable. While suppression may offer short-term relief, these emotions remain bottled up, often surfacing later as explosive anger or other distressing expressions.

Gender Factor: Suppression of feelings is typically associated with more masculine qualities, which also have evolutionary roots. In survival tasks like hunting, early men evolved to suppress emotional distractions, cultivating traits like emotional control and resilience. Hormones like testosterone support this emotional restraint, while lower levels of oxytocin make men less attuned to emotions. This evolutionary advantage, however, can lead to emotional detachment in modern life.

Wisdom — The Middle Path — Understanding Causality

As with attachment to the body, the middle path is not about finding a balance between extremes, but rather transcending them through insight into causality. Sometimes, conditions call for a sensitive response; other times, they require a disregard for certain feelings. Our ability to be free and choose an appropriate response reflects our progress on this path.

The Buddha’s wisdom points to this middle way, where feelings are neither suppressed nor overindulged. By recognizing their impermanent nature, we avoid becoming attached to them.

Example: Imagine being on a crowded airplane with discomforts like heat, noise, and unpleasant smells. If you become overly attached to your feelings, you may lash out in frustration. If you care too little, you become numb to your own experience and the needs of others. The middle path is understanding how to navigate these sensations skillfully.

Practice

1. Daily Mindfulness: Pay attention to your emotions during daily activities. Are you overreacting or underreacting to certain situations? Can you observe without impulsively acting out? Can you be in touch with your feelings without burying them deep inside?

2. Reflection: Reflect on where you tend to do too much or too little in relation to your feelings. How does this imbalance affect your mind, body, and relationships?

3. Stillness Meditation: In meditation, observe your feelings as they arise without reacting. Notice how pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral sensations pass on their own. Remember, there are no “bad” feelings or emotions. The desire to get rid of them only adds fuel to their fire.

By recognizing and adjusting your relationship with feelings, you transcend their control over you. This doesn’t mean you stop feeling—it means you stop being defined by your feelings.